In her essay, High Tide in Tucson, Barbara Kingsolver addresses the experience of finding ourselves with the need to start over:
“Every one of us is called upon, probably many times, to start a new life. A frightening diagnosis, a move, loss of a job or a limb or a loved one, and it’s impossible to think at first how this all will be possible. Eventually, what moves it all forward is the subterranean ebb and flow of being alive among the living… We hold fast to the old passions of endurance that buckle and creak beneath us, dovetailed, tight as a good wooden boat to carry us onward. And onward full tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and absurdly resolute, driven in spite of everything to make good on a new shore.” [i]
How often we find ourselves in this situation and we wonder why. What if every situation, every challenge, every bump in the road, is a lesson, and an opportunity to grow? Would we be able to look at things differently and see past the fear and loss? No doubt, pain from loss can be so deep that it is beyond description, but when we believe there is a purpose, a divine plan or a lesson, we can let loose of the reins a bit and accept where our lives are taking us.
Another author with an enlightened perspective on the subject of challenges and resistance is Michael Ryce. In his book, Why Is This Happening to Me Again? He points out that everything that comes into our lives is there to teach us. “Whatever we run from will return to us in different forms until our soul learns the lesson. The same problems will appear over and over again in our lives until we face them and complete our soul’s work by learning to move through them with grace.”[ii]
One amazing facet of the human being is that we are incredibly resilient. If you are going through a challenge in your life and wondering why, meditate over the words above from Kingsolver and Ryce. Yes, beloved, this difficult time will pass, and I pray that each of us will complete our soul’s work with as much ease and grace as possible. Be well and at peace. Lovingly, Rev.J
[i] https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/3464735-high-tide-in-tucson-essays-from-now-or-never
[ii] https://whyagain.org/why-is-this-happening-to-me-again-in-english/,
One day after almost 40 years and two years later together and retired you feel this is our time to enjoy travel, life, etc. imagine you are getting on in years and you and your spouse are about to retire and you start making plans for travel and then wake up one morning you are no longer married. And you are all alone. You morn, you cry, but eventually you try to move on. You start dating a little…and it’s all good fun. But always in the back of your mind there is that question: will I be alone in the end?
I can so relate to your comments. I’ve started over more times than I can count at this point. And I have the same question. All I can say is, I’ve decided to endure and continue evolving., and I’m coming to believe that wonderful things are possible, including relationships with depth that add great meaning to my life. Verity Bloom
Oh dear Charles, I have experienced the same, and my heart goes out to you. It has bee 11 yrs for me, but the first 5 I think I was still in a state of shock. Unable to maneuver daily tasks, and no desire to do so. It took the next 6 years to understand what and why, and overcome that loss. I was alone in an extremely rural area of Montana. The snows came, I couldn’t plow or shovel my 60 foot driveway. No family or friends around, I was utterly alone….or so I thought. Within a month someone appeared in my driveway, plowing away at the snow and clearing a path for me to leave the house. I didn’t know him, still do not. But as I sat alone I realized God had sent him and I really was not alone. Will any of us be alone in the end? No, not possible. The angels, the heavenly guides, our own innate God part of us can not leave us.
I have been so privileged and honored to set with many in my family as they drew their last earthly breath. Each one showed me something of the joy that they saw in accepting/agreeing to release from the physical. They were not alone because of my presence, but the company of all the majestic beings God has given us. Each one of us will have the same experience.
To the ones of us left, we are the ones feeling the sting. This I believe is our path to growth, having new experiences, enjoying things not before possible and gaining new friends. Once the grieving is over, give yourself permission to experience every joy you can with abandon. A new life opens at that point. You get to decide what you want now,
God knows your heart, if it’s physical companionship on that last trek, that last moment, you will not be denied, this I know.
Should you wish to share some common life events, perhaps a cup of coffee, feel free to contact me. Love to meet new friends!~ Margaret
Dear Charles, how extremely painful. I am so sorry for your pain and loss. When we have a vision and expectation of the future and the other person does not share that dream or appear to love us in that way, it is one of the most painful things in the world. Sometimes I wonder if the pain is deeper even than when the spouse is lost to death. It is different for sure. With rejection, we experience a different level of suffering at any rate. When our spouse leaves the earthly plane, from our mortal mind, we might say that at least they still loved us or wanted to be with us. This type loss that you are experiencing is so deep. I’ve been meditating over it and understand there is a higher purpose although you are not able to see it yet. It is forcing you to let go of the external circumstances and embrace the love that is within you. You must love yourself and deeply feel that you are worthy of being loved. Do you feel worthy of love? Work on that a bit. Please know how much the Universe loves you. Allow yourself to be open to whatever good things are in store for you and there are many. Much love always, Rev. JV
I have started over so many times. Each time, I was afraid and had no idea how things would turn out. The funny thing is, after a short period of transition and emotional turmoil, my life got better. My fear of devastation was an illusion. I not only survived, I thrived. When I thought I couldn’t tolerate years of celibacy, I found true strength in myself. Does a chick fear breaking out of the egg? Maybe. But what if it didn’t? Oh, the irony of life!
Thank you for the article.
Great reminders of the bigger picture and point of it all. I’m super grateful you’re doing this blog, Rev Judy!
The world needs your voice of value. Keep singing!
Great reminders of the bigger picture and point of it all. I’m super grateful you’re doing this blog, Rev Judy!
The world needs your voice of value. Keep singing!